Three Chicks and Their Books: Blog Tour: If You Stay by Courtney Cole

Excerpt from If You Stay

I step toward her and she looks uncertain, but she doesn’t move away.
“Men are visual too,” I tell her softly, my eyes frozen on hers. “So I understand. But there is something that bothers me, something that puts me at a disadvantage. And I really don’t like feeling disadvantaged.”
“What is it?” she asks, her eyes not leaving mine.
“You’ve seen me at my worst. Maybe you should see me at my best.”
My words hang between us, heavy and charged, and I don’t know what the fuck I am doing.
“When are you at your best?” she asks hesitantly. And I can see from the determined look on her face that she is trying hard not to feel intimidated. I’m impressed. She’s like a kitten standing up to a lion.
“In bed.”
My answer is simple. And her eyes shoot sparks in response.
“You’re kind of arrogant, aren’t you?” she demands, her hands on her slender, paint-spattered hips. “A simple Thank you for saving my life would suffice. I don’t need for you to carry me off to your bed to show your gratitude.”
I pause for a minute before I try to smooth her ruffled feathers.
“Calm down,” I tell her quietly. “I’m sorry. It’s a habit. I was just joking. Sometimes I have an inappropriate sense of humor. Thank you for the other night. I’m sorry I didn’t say it before.”
She purses her lips and then sighs.
“It’s okay,” she answers. “And you did say it in the hospital. You didn’t need to come here and say it again. I have been wondering though…” and her voice trails off.
It’s her turn to stare at me now and her gaze is contemplative. I stare back unflinching.
“What?” I prompt. “What have you been wondering?”
“Why did you do it?” she asks softly. “Why would you do that? It seems like you have a wonderful life.”
I’m surprised again. This girl is very direct and doesn’t hesitate to say what she’s thinking. And she thinks that I purposely tried to kill myself. What the fuck?
On the one hand, her direct attitude is refreshing. I have a feeling that she doesn’t play games. But on the other hand, it’s annoying as hell. Because sometimes I like to get lost in games so that I don’t have to provide any real answers.
But I have a feeling that Mila doesn’t tolerate bullshit.
“It was an accident,” I shrug. “I was being careless. It won’t happen again.”
She’s still staring at me and I fight the urge to flinch. It’s like she’s looking inside of me, trying to pick me apart and examine me. I don’t like it.
“Really?” she asks. She sounds doubtful, unsure. “I hope not. If you’re lying, I hope you get help. I might not be there next time to save you.”
She turns on her heel and heads for the back room. And just like that, Mila the artist with the wholesome smile walks out of my life.
I’m surprised by how much I don’t like the feeling.

Summary:

24-year old Pax Tate is an asshole.

Seriously.

He’s a tattooed, rock-hard bad-boy with a bad attitude to match.

But he’s got his reasons.

His mother died when Pax was seven, leaving a hole in his heart filled with guilt although he doesn’t understand why. What he does know is that he and his dad are left alone and with more issues than they can count.

As Pax grew up, he tried to be the kid his father always wanted; the perfect golden boy, but it didn’t work. His dad couldn’t overcome his grief long enough to notice and Pax couldn’t keep up the impossible perfect façade.

So he slipped far, far from it.

Now, he uses drugs and women to cope with the ugliness, the black void that he doesn’t want to deal with. If he pretends that the emptiness isn’t there, then it isn’t, right?

Wrong.

And it’s never more apparent than when he meets Mila.

Sweet, beautiful Mila Hill is the fresh air to his hardened frown, the beauty to his ugly heart. He doesn’t know how to not hurt her, but he quickly realizes that he’s got to figure it out because he needs her to breathe.

When memories of his mother’s death resurface from where he’s repressed them for so long, Mila is there to catch him when the guilt starts making sense. Mila is the one…the one who can save him from his broken troubled heart; from his issues, from the emptiness.

But only if he can stop being an asshole long enough to allow it.

He knows that. And he’s working on it.

But is that enough to make her stay?

**Warning -Contains sex and violence**

Our 4.5 star review

Wow! All I can say is that Courtney Cole knows how to start a book off with a bang. The first chapter of If You Stay is one that is raw, unique, intense, jaw dropping and real. It will reel you right in and you will not want to let go.

We first meet Pax Tate who is a sexy, bad boy, tattooed asshole, and that is exactly how you see him when this book opens. He doesn't care much about anything or anyone. This is exactly how he wants people to see him, but deep down he is just broken He lost his mother at a young age and has never fully recovered from it. He has tried to be the perfect son in hope of getting his father's love and attention. But when he finally realizes that no matter how perfect he tries to be, his relationship with his father will continue to be non-existent. He has so many deep underlying issues that he tries to put them out of his mind by using drugs, alcohol and woman as a way to cope. According to Pax he is not an addict, but knows full well that he is an asshole. He doesn't care who he hurts, including himself. In his mind he has lost his mother and his father could care less about him, so why should he care and most importantly what reason does he have to change. Until sweet Mila comes along and saves him, literally.

"For the first time in a long time, I cared about something other than myself."

Mila has been dealing with her own personal issues, having lost her parents not so long ago. Her first interaction with Pax is one she will never forget and trust me neither will you. When Pax finally comes face to face with the girl who saved him, the connection between the two of them is instant, an emotional connection that neither one of them can deny. It is very clear to Pax that he not only wants Mila in his life but he needs her just as well. He knows that he isn't good enough for her, but he wants her in a way that he has never wanted anyone before. He will do everything he can to be with her and do his best not to hurt her.

"You are beautiful inside and out. I don't deserve to have met you. I don't deserve you in any way. But there's nothing I want more than to be with you."

Memories Pax's past and his mother's death start to resurface. Mila is right there by his side while he tries to figure out the memories that he has repressed for so long. When he finally remembers what happened he has a hard time coming to terms with the truth. He now understands the guilt that he has been carrying around for so long. He starts to push everyone in his life away, including Mila. This time the one person who comes to save him is the person who should have saved him years ago, which is one of the many reasons why I loved this book. Pax gets the closure he needs in regards to his mother's death, but now it is time to convince Mila that he needs her and he will not shut her out. Will he be able to convince her that if she stays, he will promise to fix it, to fix them?

"But if you stay with me, if you stay...I promise that I will never leave you again. I will never shut you our again. I'll put in the work and I'll fix what is broken. I promise."

I loved the relationship that Pax and Mila had together. You see the person that Pax has been hiding all of these years. He isn't the asshole he makes himself out to be. He loves Mila and wants to prove he can love her and be everything she deserves. I absolutely loved Pax. Sure he is definitely sexy, but he also has a sweet side that will warm your heart and make you fall in love with him right along with Mila. The sex scenes between the two of them were so sexy, especially one particular painting scene that I promise is very hot and one that you will enjoy.

Courtney Cole did such an amazing job with this book. Especially the scene where Pax remembers his mother's death. It was so emotional, heart wrenching, intense and so real that you felt like you were right there with Pax going through those memories. This story was told from both Mila and Pax's point of view, which gave the reader an emotional connection to both characters. My heart broke for Pax in so many ways. There were moments when I just wanted to jump in the book and hug him. If you Stay may shock you in the beginning, but it will also warm your heart, make you laugh, and cry. This is a book that will stay with you forever. It was a very raw and emotional journey, but it was all worth it in the end. The epilogue was such a beautiful ending to such an amazing story. A job well done by Courtney Cole.

About the Author:

Courtney Cole is a novelist who would eat mythology for breakfast if she could. She has a degree in Business, but has since discovered that corporate America is not nearly as fun to live in as fictional worlds. She loves chocolate and roller coasters and hates waiting and rude people.

Courtney lives in quiet suburbia, close to Lake Michigan, with her real-life Prince Charming, her ornery kids (there is a small chance that they get their orneriness from their mother) and a small domestic zoo.

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