Monday, April 25, 2016

Release Blitz: Magnificent Bastard by Lili Valente

Title: Magnificent Bastard
(Super Sexy Standalone)
AuthorLili Valente
Genre: Contemporary Romantic Comedy 
Release Date: April 25, 2016


F*&k Prince Charming. Sometimes, you need a Magnificent Bastard.

Face it, ladies: love sucks and then you cry…while your ex rides off into the sunset banging your best friend.

But why let a break-up end in tears when it can end with sweet revenge? Enter Magnificent Bastard Consulting and me, chief executive bastard. I’ve got it all—looks, brains, a heart of gold, and the killer instinct guaran-damn-teed to make your ex regret the day he said goodbye.

With the help of my virtual assistant, I’ve built an empire giving broken-hearted women the vengeance they deserve, while keeping myself far from the front lines of the heart. Life is a bowl of f*&king cherries, until my virtual assistant shows up on my real doorstep for the first time, begging for a Magnificent Bastard intervention of her own.

F*&king hell. She’s a bona fide sex kitten.

I pride myself on being a true pro, but pretending to be her lover soon leads to giving it to her good, hard, fast, and up against the wall. And somewhere between getting balls deep in my sweet and sexy assistant and watching her ex beg for a second chance, I break every last one of my damn rules—professional and personal.

So what’s my next move? Fight for the girl who makes me want to get up on a white horse and ride to her rescue, or stay a Magnificent Bastard to the end?

Warning: MAGNIFICENT BASTARD is a stand-alone erotic romance told from the hero’s point of view. No cliffhanger. Lots of dirty talk.


4 stars
Review by Lisa Kane

Magnificent Bastard is told for the most part from Sebastian "Bash" Prince's POV. He's the owner of the highly popular company, Magnificent Bastard Consulting whose job it is to seek revenge on the ones who inflicted pain and suffering on the poor souls who hire Bash. Women have been victimized, cheated on and deceived and now they have a means to even the score. Bash sets the rules, investigates the targets and sets a plan into motion. Victims are no longer victims and emerge victors with their self esteems intact. Bash has no problem helping women get their mojo's back. 

You'll be treated like a treasure, pampered like a princess, and kissed like a slut who can't get enough of my magnificent dick.
In reality, of course, things between us will never go further than a kiss, but your ex won't know that.

He has no interest in having a relationship himself; his own heart was battered by his ex. But out of the ashes arose a once successful Wall Street wiz who gave that up and started this company. Make no mistake-Bash's Incredible Bulk. (as he refers to one of his favorite assets) 

The Incredible Bulk delivers on all levels-size, appearance, and performance. My cock has been called magical in four different languages.

Bash relies on his invaluable virtual assistant Penny Pickett. The two have worked together for years, both live in New York, but have never met. 

Penny is about to change that. They finally meet for the first time and Bash's tongue just about falls out. Penny is gorgeous! She needs to enlist Bash's help. Her ex Phillip, cheated on her and is about to get married. Who his bride is-now there's a twist. Will Bash help Penny to survive their wedding that she has to attend?  

Penny is my assistant and also happens to be the kind of curvy, brown-eyed girl that is the Incredible Bulk's personal kryptonite will create certain...challenges. 

Penny and Bash's relationship is the backbone of both of their lives. They know just about everything there is to know about the other's daily lives. (their archived Emails to each other are hysterical!) 

From: Magnificent Bastard1
To: Penny4YourLobsterPot
Re: This e-mail address
Okay, I give. 
What's with the lobster pot in the e-mail, buttercup? Are you from Maine? Did you grow up a lobster farmer's daughter? Or do you just have an inordinately strong love for large saltwater crustaceans?

What happens when the one person who keeps it all together for you is now someone you want to take to bed? 

After all she's been through, the girl deserves a Magnificent Bastard on her side protecting her from the failed Prince Charmings of the world.

Both of them are concerned that once that invisible line is crossed that things can never be comfortable again. Penny needs her job and Bash needs Penny to keep his business organized. They are each other's rock but there are hormones out of control and things are about to get interesting! 

Throw in nut job family members, douchbag ex's and lots of delicious drama and you have the recipe for a good read. There is so much witty banter between these two. Magnificent Bastard was a joy to read! 

I realize this is what it means to be someone's Prince Charming. It means putting another person ahead of yourself and your ego and all the other bullshit. It means giving everything you have to protect the one you love. 

Purchase Links




Picture this: it’s a rainy spring day in the city. The streets are covered in a fine layer of mud and soggy garbage, the sun is a distant memory from another, brighter time, when you were still stupid enough to believe in happy endings, and you’ve just been dumped so hard your heart looks like it’s gone three rounds with Mike Tyson. You’re ugly crying in a corner with a box of wine and a chocolate bar the size of your forearm, wishing Prince Charming would come scoop you up on his white horse and carry you far away from all those nasty memories of Mr. Wrong, but I’m here to tell you, ladies—

You need to stop that shit.

Stop it. Right now.

Why? Because Prince Charming is a crock of shit. He doesn’t exist and even if he did, he’s a fucking wimp.

When you’re down and out and your heart has been ripped to shreds by an asshole with a dickish-side a mile wide, you don’t need Prince Charming. You need a man who’s not afraid to get his hands dirty, a man who can teach Mr. Wrong a thing or two about what it feels like to be deceived, betrayed, and laid low by the one person in the world you thought you could trust. What you need is a Magnificent Bastard, your very own one-man vengeance machine.

Love isn’t a fairy tale, sweetheart; it’s war, and now you’ve got a soldier with an anti-asshole missile on your side.

Want to ruin your ex’s reputation? No problem. Every true asshole has a few skeletons in his closet and I specialize in making skeletons dance out of the darkness and into the light. Want to send that fucker to jail? A little harder, but often still possible. I only accept cases involving the very worst examples of mankind, the most miserable liars and cheats and scoundrels. Those types tend to be good at covering their tracks, but I’ve delivered exes locked in police cuffs before.

Want to make your former lover green with envy? Make him wish he’d never kicked you off the love wagon, spat in your face, and walked away? Well, that, cupcake…that’s what I’m best at.

I’ve been blessed with a face that turns heads, worked hard for a body that inspires shudders of lust at twenty paces, and honed my envy-inspiring skills into a razor sharp weapon I wield with ruthless efficiency. I will make you feel like a queen and ensure your ex doesn’t miss a minute of it. You’ll be treated like an irreplaceable treasure, pampered like a princess, and kissed like a slut who can’t get enough of my magnificent dick.

In reality, of course, things between us will never go further than a kiss, but your ex won’t know that. He’ll see your flushed cheeks, lust-glazed eyes, and wobbly legs and think I’m giving it to you hard every night.

He’ll imagine my hands on your ass, my fingers slipping between your legs, and your pussy slick and dripping just for me. He’ll imagine you screaming my name while you ride my cock and remember all the times he was lucky enough to be balls deep in your incomparable snatch. Before long, he’ll have a jealousy hard-on so bad he’ll come crawling back to you on his belly, begging for a second chance.

But you won’t give it to him.

Did you hear that? Even so, it bears repeating—

You. Will not. Give that fucking loser a second chance.

By the time I’m through with you, you will know deep down in the marrow of your bones that you’re better than that. You’ll understand that you deserve a man whose eyes won’t wander, whose hands won’t hurt, and whose heart belongs to you and only you. By the end of our time together, you will be able to look down at the sniveling, pathetic, limp-dicked excuse for a man you used to love and tell him that he has no power over you.

Not anymore. You will be free to move on with your life without any of the ugly, bad breakup, psychic baggage.

And that, gorgeous, is the most important of the services I deliver. I give you back to you, the only person who can be trusted to steer your course as you ride off into the sunset.

But if for some reason, you break this all-important rule. If you sour the gift you’ve been given by going back to Major Dickweed, don’t bother contacting me again. No amount of money will convince me to pick up the phone.

A Magnificent Bastard intervention is a once in a lifetime opportunity. One and done, no exceptions.


Not even for her, the woman who made me break all my other rules, the woman who made me think—for one amazing week—that even magnificent bastards can live happily ever after.

Author Bio

U.S.A. Today Bestselling author Lili Valente has slept under the stars in Greece, eaten dinner at midnight with French men who couldn’t be trusted to keep their mouths on their food, and walked alone through Munich’s red light district after dark and lived to tell the tale.

These days you can find her writing in a tent beside the sea, drinking coconut water and thinking delightfully dirty thoughts.

Lili loves to hear from her readers. You can reach her via email at or like her page on Facebook

You can also visit her website:

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