The Rocker That Holds Her
I had big dreams of how I wanted my life. Becoming a rock star was all I wanted. It would solve so many of my problems. With the money that I would make I was going to take care of my mom, get her out of the hell hole we had been living in all my life. Having your dreams come true isn’t something that many
people get to accomplish in life. I did, and I loved it.
For about a minute…
It’s funny how when you think you have everything you could possible every want, your dreams change. Mine did without my even realizing it. Then I opened my eyes and saw that everything I ever wanted was standing in front of me.
From the first day I set eyes on Emmie she became a part of me. The guys and I spent years watching over her, caring for her… Loving her. Then without my realizing it my love for her changed. I found myself aching for her, wanting her in a way that a guy like me had no right to want her. My love and need for Emmie became an all-consuming ache that I was helpless to fight against.
Would she ever open those big green eyes and see me as anything but a friend?
4.5 Star Review by Lisa Kane
In the
Rocker That Holds Me, the first in Terri Ann Browning’s Rocker series, we had
Emmie and Nik’s story from Emmie’s POV. Here we read Nik’s side of things. Of
all the band mates from Demon’s Wings, Nik is my favorite. The lead singer has
been in love with Emmie for a very long time, fighting his feelings for a few
of those years, due to her age. For Nik, his protective feelings of a big
brother slowly changed to those of a man for a woman. He drowned himself in
alcohol and groupies, trying his best to suppress the feelings he had for
Emmie, believing she deserved better and didn’t reciprocate his love.
I love
reading a guy’s perspective in scenes previously written from the girl’s view
point. How Nik could misinterpret Emmie’s reserve for disinterest makes me
shake my head. Only a guy would fail to see a woman trying her best to guard
her heart, especially after she knows he falls into bed night after night with
a different woman.
Nik finally
gave up trying to forget her with the flavors of the night, and chose to be
alone rather than keep using women when it was all in vain. Nik’s reaction to
Emmie and Axton’s friendship and his rage over her pregnancy was such a
revelation of how he must have been hurting all that time. He longed for her but
believed she had feelings for Jesse or Axton and would never see him for
anything but a big brother.
When these
two finally opened up to one another, Nik really showed his swoon worthiness!
Not only is he hot and gorgeous, but he wrapped himself up in his Emmie bubble
and the love his shows for his little girl, almost made me tear up.
What a great
addition this latest installment is to the Rocker series. It keeps getting
better and better!
Three Chicks interview Nik and Emmie
Three Chicks: Emmie, why
didn’t you tell Nik what Gabriella had told you about sleeping with him?
Emmie: I’ve never confronted him about his other
one-night stands before. Even though the thought of him being with Gabriella
bothered me more than any other woman, I felt I didn’t have a right to talk to
him about it. After all, we were just friends at the time…
Three Chicks: Nik, every
time Gabriella’s name came up Emmie would flash the death ray eyes at you-how
did you not pick up something was wrong?
Nik: *Grimace* I did pick up on it actually, but thought it was because of
something else entirely. I still thought that Emmie and Gabriella were feuding
over Axton. That would just piss me off, so I never called her on it.
Three Chicks: Emmie, you
lost your virginity to the man you loved, thinking that he thought you were a groupie.
I can't imagine what that would feel like. Was there ever a moment when you
thought about telling him the truth about that night?
Emmie: No. I thought if I told him the truth it would destroy what
relationship we did have. I couldn’t have handled not having him in my life at
all. So I kept quiet, living off the memories when I was alone.
Three Chicks: Nik, do you
think since finding Emmie when she was 5 that in some way you two were destined
to be together?
Nik: Yeah, actually I do. Even
then, at the age of 15 when I had no idea what real love was about, I felt that
connection. It wasn’t something gross or perverted, but beautiful even then.
She was my little baby doll. I fought it for so long and I refused to let
myself admit that she had been mine all along.
Three Chicks: Emmie, when
it got out that you were pregnant the rumors were that you trapped Nik. Was
there a part of you that felt he might believe that to be true? It seems when
it comes to Nik and his love for you, you become very insecure. Why?
Emmie: Yes, I felt like I did trap him. Honestly,
at times I still feel like I don’t deserve him. Growing up, with the monster I
did, I was always made to feel undeserving, to feel as if I was never going to
be loved.
Three Chicks: Nik, how
insecure did Axton’s feeling for Emmie make you and Emmie, did you ever realize
Axton felt more than a friendship for you?
NIK: It drove me freaking nuts. I knew that if he ever decided to straighten
his sh… crap up, that he would be able to win her over.
Emmie: I had a suspicion that he felt something stronger than
friendship. But I know it couldn’t be as strong as what Nik—and Axton—have made
it to be in their heads. Axton was in love with the idea of being in love. I
challenged him, I made him work at being my friend, and in return I loved him
unconditionally. As a friend only. Nik had nothing to worry about regardless,
because I will never be able to feel anything as deep and unbreakable as what I
feel for him.
Three Chicks: Some
people seemed to know that your feelings for each other were more than just
friends. But yet it still took you both years and a pregnancy to admit them to
each other.....so how is it that neither of you saw what was right in front of
you? Or were you both just really good at hiding it.
Emmie: I don’t know how good we were at hiding it from each other. When I look
back, I wonder how I hadn’t seen just how much he loved me then. I think it was
more we refused to believe—to hope!—that we could end up together. We were
stupid and wasted some really good years that we could have been together.
Three Chicks: Emmie, why
did you believe if you married Nik that you would end up losing him?
Emmie: *Bites lip and sighs* Change has always
been a bad thing in my life and I was so happy with Nik right then. We had the perfect
life. Love, family, a baby that we adored. I was terrified that if we got
married it would change. I thought maybe he would come to resent me—maybe even
Mia too… Okay, so I was still insecure about trapping him. I’m crazy at times
like that.
Nik: *Grasps Emmie’s hand and kisses her fingers* I love you, crazy bitch and
all.
Three Chicks: Nik, you
were with other women to try to push away your feelings for Emmie. Why not just
take the risk and tell her. You seemed miserable not being able to control your
feelings so why not talk to her about them?
Nik: I was a coward, that’s why. I couldn’t face the rejection if she didn’t love me
back. I wouldn’t have been able to face life I knew for a fact that she didn’t
love me. So I made us both suffer. It’s one of the biggest regrets of my life.
Three Chicks: Emmie what
does each Demon mean to you and what role would you say they each play in your
life?
Emmie: Well, obviously you know what role
Nik plays. *Grins* Jesse will always be like my parent. He still acts like I’m
his little Emmie. Shane has always been like my brother. We are as close as any
brother and sister could possibly be. And Drake… He was the one that needed me
the most. He helped me forget about my own demons because I was so busy helping
him fight his own. Now that he’s so happy with Lana I don’t have to do that any
longer. But that doesn’t mean we are any less close because of it. If anything
Drake’s bond with Mia has strengthened our own bond.
Three Chicks: Nik, when
you finally got up the nerve to play the song you wrote for Emmie in concert
and realized she didn’t hear it, how did you feel? How often do you play it
now?
Nik: I was pissed! I thought that she had
heard it and left to tell me she didn’t feel the same way… Now, I sing it to
her whenever I feel like she’s feeling insecure. Sometimes it’s every few days.
Sometimes I don’t sing it for a month. But when I do sing it, she knows
immediately that she’s the only thing I will ever need.
Three Chicks: Emmie, why
do you think you are so close to Jesse and share such a connection with him?
Emmie: He’s the dad I never had, maybe the mom I
never had too. Jesse has something about him that can make you feel so safe.
Maybe it’s his size, with those big wide shoulders that seem like they can keep
the world standing. I’m not sure, but that’s how it’s been for me. He helped me
through those years with my monster mother by keeping the world standing…
Three Chicks: Will
Mia be an only child or do you have plans to expand the Armstrong family?
Nik: I’ve been trying to talk Emmie into another
baby soon.
Emmie: I do want another
baby. But right now with all the responsibilities I have with Demon’s Wings and
signing OtherWorld as well, I feel like it’s not the right time. Mia is more
than a handful at times and I want to focus on her.
Three Chicks: How do
you think touring on the road will work out once all the Demon’s Wings kids are
in school, especially considering Emmie is your manager?
Emmie: Once they are all in
school we plan on only doing summer tours, and holiday events. I know the guys
aren’t going to want to be away from their kids for long, so we will have to
revamp the bus and buy a few more so that we can tour together.
About Author
Hated school
and reading until her aunt handed over her first romance novel at the age of
twelve, as crazy aunts tend to do. It gave her a passion for the written word
that has only increased over the years.
At sixteen she started writing her own novellas, forcing her sister to
be her one woman fan club. Now she has a few more fans and a lot more passion
for writing. Reese: A Safe Haven Novella was her first Indie published book.
The Rocker That Holds Me changed the tables and kicked off The Rocker… series
featuring the sinfully delicious members of Demon’s Wings. Terri Anne lives
just outside of Birmingham, AL with her husband and three children.
Twitter
@writerchicTAB
Other books in this series
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Sweetest interview ever! :)
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