Review and Giveaway: Toxic by Raquel Valldeparas

Synopsis

I didn't mean to let everything get so bad.
I never had control over the variables in my life, and that was okay. That's just the way it was. But the drugs were supposed to be my constant, my escape, my refuge. They weren't supposed to pull me under and hold me down, bring me to the brink of death and keep me in that in-between state.

They weren't supposed to turn on me, just like everyone else.

My name is Logan May Reynolds, and this is my story.

*Contains mature content. Recommended for readers 17+.





 4.5 star review

"Mama, what does toxic mean?"

"That's the stuff you and me are made up of, Sugar Plum."   "We're toxic, but only the best things are."

Toxic-That is the word that Logan used to describe herself and her life.  When she was 5 yrs old, her very first friend told her she wasn't allowed to play with her any more because she was toxic.  That term stuck with Logan throughout the years and because of her childhood that is exactly how she felt: toxic. 

This is the story of Logan, a young girl who was raised by a crappy mother who cared more about drugs and men than she did her own daughter.  A mother who took her anger and frustrations out on her daughter, who left her to fend for herself.  Logan had no one to feed her, to dress her, to make sure she made it to school.  At the young age of five years old Logan learned how to take care of herself.  Logan had decided that she didn't want to become her mother.  She was a fighter and would fight hard to live a good life.  But as she got older she began to lose the fight. There were two paths that Logan could take, the path that would lead her to a happy, healthy drug free life where she could make something of herself.  Or the path where she ends up like her mother, addicted to drugs and not knowing how to get out.  Unfortunately for Logan, she took the same path as her mother did.  

Logan lost the one person that mattered to her, the one person who understood her.  At the young age of fifteen Logan made some life choices that weren't the best, but she felt there was no other way.  She wanted to stop the pain and the hurt, she wanted to feel numb.  She started dating a classmate, named Danny, if you can even call it dating.  She hated Danny and had no feelings of love towards him, and honestly the sight and thought of him disgusted her.  But he had something that she wanted.  He gave her a roof over her head and a fix when she needed it and in return she gave him what he wanted.  It wasn't the best of situations and quite frankly Danny was a complete jerk.  With Danny she was put in unthinkable situations that just broke your heart to see Logan go through it.  But in her mind this is all she had, if not for Danny she had no place else to go.  This is all she knew, this is how she grew up.  She never thought she was worthy of love or a better life.  This was it: drugs, abuse and a life with a man she despised.  

Then she meets Nathan who I absolutley loved and wanted more of.  In my opinion he saved her in some way.  When she is with Nathan she is able to feel, she doesn't have the sudden urge to feel numb inside.  When she is with Nathan she feels loved, which is not something she has ever felt before. No one has ever cared enough to want to help her and to push her like Nathan does.  But sometimes life throws you a curve ball and for Logan she handled it the only way she knew how.

"He pushed and I bend, he gives and I take.  I'm not afraid to move with him, to let him love me.  There's nowhere else I'd rather be.  For the first time in years, I wish I was completely sober."

While Logan did have relationships with men in this book, it wasn't the main plot of the story.  Toxic is the heartbreaking story of a young girl's struggle with drugs.  The affects of the drugs, the want and need for the drugs.  How drugs can affect the way you feel about yourself, how it affects the decisions that you make. How drugs can make you feel so worthless at times that you  allow people to completely take advantage of you, how they can make you feel like life isn't worth it.  How they can make you feel toxic.

Toxic is an emotional journey that will break your heart.  From the first page I was completely sucked in to Logan's story.  It is raw, intense and completely real.  The author did such an amazing job with the connection that you feel to Logan.  You go through the emotions with her.  You want to see her come out on top, to beat the drugs and realize that she is worthy of love.  It will make you cry and completely break you at times, there are moments of darkness, but I think they were written in such a tasteful way.  There is a lot to this story that I don't want to give away but I can tell you that it is definitely worth the read.  Ms. Valldeparas definintely keeps you on the edge of your seat wondering what will happen next, will she break free from the drugs and the abuse or will she let the drugs consume her and win.  Toxic is an amazing story with an ending that was perfect, real and so true to the story. I cannot wait for Tailspin. 



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